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caffeine-gum break
or RANDOM notes on self-and other-reflexns (nothing here, skip this part)

-i've long been a monkey swinging from branch to branch.
-been too busy carrying out some other people's ideas on how 2 make a dent in that whole change-the-world scene.
-am itching to do something really creative but have been using above reason as an excuse

things am sick of
-spyware and malware.
-those dang social darwinist/ attainment and acquisition-based gauges of self-worth that still won't leave me alone at the end of the day plus that education thing being an instrument of the state chuva that goes with it
- getting gas from chewing too much lotte black-black wake-up gum from the 7-11
-people who see things in black and white although sometimes i am guilty of the same convenient pigeonholin'


-ang ganda ng FANS ONLY na DVD ng belle and sebastian. except for the monica queen parts in lazy line painter jane
-ang ganda ng 'one with the freaks' ng the notwist
- galing din ng metric. emily haines. yeah! check out their mala Team America (but better) videos here

CONTEST: video-DIY-ers, gusto nyo ng Sony DVD cam? SALI KAYO sa OneWorld/Staying Alive World AIDS Day 2004 Audio/Vid PSA/Spot Competition dito.....

inthe mood for KADALDALAN
ni pilosopong JOHN KOETHE
heto last na. i dedicate this to myself. (salamat, professor blimunda) wala lang.

from John Koethe
The Constructor / Poems

Instead of learning to perceive things as they are I've
Learned to lose them, or to see them as they disappear
Into the insubstantial future. Everything here is mine,
Or lies within my power to accept. I want to find a way to live inside
each moment as it comes, then let it go
Before it breaks up in regret or disillusionment. I've
Constantly defined myself by difference, yet after all
These years I feel as far away from the kind of strength I'd hoped the
differences would bring. Where
Is that boundless life I know exists beyond the words?


So I've remained here, in a place where no one comes
And I can hear the voice and visualize the image of a
Person with his heart grown tired, his soul diminished
By the struggle to maintain itself against the world.
Perhaps someday I'll recognise that voice as mine and
Come to see that figure; or leave the ghosts
Behind and take my place as part of surroundings.
Right now I float above the line that separates the
Two perspectives from each other and divides my life.
A future is emerging in the distance. Is it mine, or
Merely one I've dreamed about? Life flows around me
While my own remains unchanged by the advancing years,
As faces I can't recognize and disappear and
Come at last to rest. Is this how one survives? In
Someone else's memory? My soul is all but gone but
Where? I know that what is left will keep a minor
Part of me alive by just existing - either as this
Thing by the force of sheer despair begins to
Move and breathe then to turn away from here
And stare into the world and see it whole, yet
Distantly; or else as something that remains
Beside itself, and paralyzed with fear.
drama. chos.

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3 Responses to “”

  1. Blogger Midori 

    oi magaling nga ang metric! downloaded their "combat baby" mp3 last month after hearing it on launch's indie rock station in YM. "combat baby... come back, baby!" ang cute-cute. shite 2.22 gig na ang MP3s ko (segregated into 22 different folders of genres or bands) sa hard drive! I, CONSUMER talaga.

  2. Blogger PAOLO CRUZ 

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Blogger PAOLO CRUZ 

    Ay, wala kayong trackback :p

    I linked to this entry in a recent post, addressing the (false?) binary of 'personal/creative' work vs. 'activist' work.

    Just thought I'd let you know :)

    Love & a .45,
    Paolo Jawbreaker

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Best described as a Murakami detox support group, we're all fans of the quirkily brilliant Japanese author, Haruki Murakami, and writing about such things as films we've seen recently and books we're reading (not to mention meandering musings on the man's work, of course) helps us to pass time while waiting for the next book from Haruki-baby.

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